Online Exclusives
Will you help Him?
Test your chivalry with this interactive clickventure! *Clickventures may not function at full capacity with mobile viewing.
TikTok Songs in Dining Halls Make Customers Prone to Involuntary Fits of Dancing
Since late September, reports of involuntary fits of dancing induced by TikTok songs being played on the radio in dining halls have come in at an …
UCSD to Launch New Subscription Based Wifi Service
On Monday, UCSD announced the launch of a new wifi network that will be available to students that purchase a monthly subscription plan. Preorders for the …
I’m the gallon of milk in your fridge you have not touched since week 1
This cold, desolate land has been all I’ve known. When I was chosen by you, I thought I had a chance at a rich, adventurous life. …
Wall Street Grows Tired of Betting Against the Livelihood of Working Class People, Begins Betting Against Working Class’s Lives Directly
Major Wall Street investors and mutual funds have recently begun a new trading strategy. Instead of investments in traditional businesses or commodities, many investors have traded …
In Resolution of Third Strike, 64 Employees Receive Conciliatory Turkey
Photo by Sharon Roth In the spirit of Thanksgiving, HDH and striking 64 degrees employees finally reached a settlement last Thursday. Student employees have had mixed reactions, …
Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel
Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …
The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why
Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …
To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall
A Hopeful Funeral Dirge
Following Afghanistan Pull Out, Top Generals Still Looking for Bottom Specific
Following the “successful” withdrawal from Afghanistan, the chaos in the final moments at the Kabul airport has Top General Meiner and his compatriots in desperate search …
