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The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why

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Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …

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To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall

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A Hopeful Funeral Dirge

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Following Afghanistan Pull Out, Top Generals Still Looking for Bottom Specific

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Following the “successful” withdrawal from Afghanistan, the chaos in the final moments at the Kabul airport has Top General Meiner and his compatriots in desperate search …

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Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs

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Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …

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Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal

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Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …

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Welcome To: “THE META UNIVERSITY XPERIENCE”

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By Mark Zuckerberg Proud American Hi guys, Zuckerberg here. I’ve always said that the years we spend in college can be some of the most formative …

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Ancestors Hear my plea

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UCSD Implements Inclusivity “Mxndate”, Enforces Binary “Mxntality”

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Photo by Sharon Roth After months of anticipation and several strongly worded email from campus TERFs, UCSD is finally rolling out their “Inclusivity Mxndate.” Chancellor Khosla …

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[PLAYABLE GAME] Admiring Art: Love on Library Walk

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Come Try Your Luck at Nintendo’s Newest, UCSD-themed Dating Sim created by our very own Jack Yang! Click here to learn more!

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You are a robot. Can you find love?

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