Briefs
Your Happy Place Destroyed in Hurricane, Insomnia Sweeping America
The imaginations of Americans everywhere have been impacted by Hurricane Destinee, a ravaging natural disaster that destroyed the Happy Place that helped millions fall asleep or …
UC System Announces Indentured Servitude as a Payment Option
Following an annual meeting of the UC Regents, a representative announced that the UC system will expand its payment options in response to increasingly harsh economic …
Congress Decides to Take More Funds Away from the EPA
Congress has decided to pull back even more funding from the Environmental Protection Agency during its last meeting. Congressman Devin Nunes, a rigid and active climate-denier, …
Hobby Lobby Makes Lobbying its Hobby
The Oklahoma City headquarters of prominent evangelical arts and crafts corporation Hobby Lobby has ordered a surprising course change in the company’s direction, with the company …
Headlines Found To Be Most Frequently Read Part of Article
In a surprising study, researchers have concluded that the most read part of news articles, regardless of their content, are headlines. The study also found that graphics …
Study Finds Josh
Area middle-aged slacker and unreliable reporter Josh finally decided to show his face again late Monday afternoon after missing a whole three weeks of work and …
Area Man Loudly Announces He Will Spend Summer Vacation on Venus
Last Tuesday, without any prompting, local student Chad Richardson loudly announced that he was going to go somewhere “new and exotic” over the summer break. Richardson …
Upcoming 2018 Blue Wave Turns Out to Be a Tsunami
After extensively studying the recent voting trends, political scientists and climate scientists have concluded that the imminent “Blue Wave” in the upcoming elections is in fact …
Metal Bands Rush to Site of Fire in Hopes of “Bitchin’ Photoshoot”
Tens of black-grunge and grind-crust metal bands flocked to the site of last week’s deadly Santee fire in hopes of capturing some “brutal” album covers. The …
Local Woman Saves Trash for Art Project She Will Use “Later”
Local woman Sarah Plehra was spotted Saturday picking up some trash. She claims she is “going to be able to use it in an art project.” …
