Congress Decides to Take More Funds Away from the EPA


Written by: MQ Trophy Husband

Congress has decided to pull back even more funding from the Environmental Protection Agency during its last meeting. Congressman Devin Nunes, a rigid and active climate-denier, has announced his intentions to pull even more funding from the EPA as “climate change and global-warming are institutions that are antiquated, old-fashioned, and archaic,” while also stating that he “would rather fund a park for dinosaurs.”

Following the announcements, more and more Congressmembers have jumped on the dinosaur-park bandwagon. As the idea keeps gaining track, celebrities have started chiming in. “This is honestly disheartening, have you all learned nothing from history?” Jeff Goldblum asked. “You can’t expect to place living beings that were naturally selected out to live in peace in these modern times. They will inevitably adapt to rising sea waters and next thing you know, we’ll have a swimming Tyrannosaurus Rex. Life finds a way.”

When asked about their thoughts on the topic, celebrities Jay-Z and Beyonce shared their plans for an upcoming relocation to Mars. “We know exactly where this is going,” the couple said. “We’ve seen Jurassic World and we already know we’re not going to be on the soundtrack to this apocalypse.”

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