Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Following an annual meeting of the UC Regents, a representative announced that the UC system will expand its payment options in response to increasingly harsh economic conditions. “After carefully analyzing the struggles of current and prospective students trying to pay tuition, the Regents have decided to introduce a post-graduate work program to help students pay off their debt.”

The new system will put students to work immediately after completing four years at the university. Students who wish to pay for college using the work program sign a contract at the beginning of each year they’d like to pay and sign up for three years of post-graduate work. Positions currently include custodians, dining hall staff, and “house maid,” although these positions will reportedly expand in the future. Students who participate in the program will also live on-campus, “reducing the cost of travel and making the workforce feel like one big family,” according to a UC spokesperson. The system was met with criticism upon announcement, but nonetheless received hundreds of signups on the first day. “Yeah, I’m fully aware that it’s practically slavery,” one student who wished to remain anonymous said. “But if I don’t do it, I would have to dropout of college. Looking on the bright side, at least now I have a job right out of college.”

Editor in Chief Emeritus at The MQ

Stephen Lightfoot is Editor in Chief of The MQ.

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