Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

The imaginations of Americans everywhere have been impacted by Hurricane Destinee, a ravaging natural disaster that destroyed the Happy Place that helped millions fall asleep or recover from periods of personal anguish all over the nation. What was once green fields, a kitchen filled with freshly baked cookies, or whatever other calming memory you cling to in times of stress, there is now a floating pile of rubble. Among the rubble are reportedly 30 varieties of dead woodland creatures, your best friend taking shelter in your favorite hometown donut shop (which was last seen floating on turbulent waters), and one still-functional water slide from Raging Waters.

Hurricane Destinee has spelled disaster not only for the inhabitants of the Happy Place, but also the millions of Americans who took comfort in the Place’s existence every night. Local now-insomniac Harry Lorner explained his current state: “Without the image of sheep roaming a sunny field and jumping over fences, I haven’t been able to sleep at night. Instead, when I close my eyes, I see washed up corpses of various farm animals floating on fenceposts. I know it’s weird to be so horrified by that, but I happen to have a debilitating fear of fence-posts.” More imaginary casualties are expected.
are expected.

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Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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