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Incoming students attended their first collective assembly on campus at the RIMAC field for the Fall Y’all music festival on September 23. Students reported that aside from the music choices, the large queues were the most unappealing part of the event. Approximately 18,000 students came and over half of them were in the process of queuing at any point of time during the event.

Outside the event entrance, in which four tables were present at separate gates, security was ensuring that students going through the checkpoint took out their phones and backpacks.

“Research shows that practices of communism help American students understand the power of order,” explained the head of security, Roger Wilmington, “and the importance of sacrificing shortcuts — by not entering places straight ahead, but instead by making longer paths to take to enhance the students’ chance of intimate, unitary contact.”

“It’s fun queuing,” said freshman Jesse Anderson, before mechanically moving closer to the front. “I haven’t had a chance to get close to all the other students. Anderson continued, in a flat monotonous voice. “You should join us in this lovely line,” Anderson continued, “It feels good to be a part of a collective.”

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