Articles
EDITORIAL: Amazon Prime Student Made Shopping for My First Year of College So Easy!
OMG! You guys would not believe what cute stuff I got for my dorm, all from shopping exclusively on Amazon! From enchanting floral string-lights to a …
Area Student Decides Dying Is Better Than Making Phone Call
Area student Amanda Pemberley was found lying in her bed on September 16, lamenting her fate after refusing to call her doctor. According to her roommate, …
Local College Student Concerned About Politics, Does Nothing About It
Greg Alaffia, a local 20-something college student, is concerned about current geopolitical affairs, but has no real plans to do anything about it. Alaffia has been …
FDA Hits Monkey Poisoning Quota in Record Time
The FDA published a report online last week announcing that they have hit their monkey poisoning quota nearly three months ahead of schedule. The report, titled …
UCSD Begins Construction on RIMAC Field Parking Structure, Cites Lack of Parking Due to Construction
UCSD will break ground on the new RIMAC Parking Structure next week; a plan that is projected to add 3,000 parking spots, but will take away …
POINT: Along With Other Politicians, I Will Be Suing a Comedian for Making Jokes at My Expense; COUNTERPOINT: Along With Other Constituents, I Will Be Suing a Politician for Making Judgements at My Expense
POINT: Along With Other Politicians, I Will Be Suing a Comedian for Making Jokes at My Expense Never in my entire political career have I ever …
Area Student Buys Maximum Amount of Dining Dollars, Receives Fame and Glory
In an email sent out to students this past Friday, HDH announced that they were honoring Kay Cecil — an incoming Revelle student who was reportedly …
New Tech Startup “Pomme” on Track to Surpass Apple
There may soon be a different company named after a fruit controlling Silicon Valley. As the third quarter of 2018 begins to wind down, a new smartphone …
UCSD Professor Reluctant to Go Back to Class Because of “All Those Lame Freshies”
UCSD Mathematics Professor Ralph P. Olson recently expressed that he shares the “dread” of going back to school this fall with his students, mainly because of …
“Fuck It, There’s No God,” Says Pope in Surprising Press Conference
In an attempt at “retribution for those who take ‘Jesus, take the wheel’ too far,” Pope Francis led a six hour surprise press conference in Vatican …
