Articles
Ancient Mayan Typo Found: Apocalypse Predicted for 2021
“It’s not the intern’s fault, he doesn’t get a lot of dates,” said a researcher.Photo by Sharon Roth Scholars studying and translating the ancient Mayan calendar have …
US Election Results to be Graded on a Curve Because Class Average is 50 Percent
Drawing arbitrary lines was easy for the Republicans after all their practice gerrymandering.Photo by Sharon Roth Due to the “uncertainty” in the results of the recent presidential …
Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”
An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …
Florida Governor Passes “Frenchifying” Mandate to Boost European Tourism
The water skier was reportedly heard saying, “Ouiiiii!”Photo by Sharon Roth Many Florida residents are outraged by a new mandate passed by Governor Jean-Claude Bernard requiring all …
UC San Diego to Convert Lecture Halls to Outdoor Classrooms by Removing Ceilings
This is part of the university’s initiative to push students to reach for the stars.Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced a bold …
Election Results Uncertain, US to be Returned to the United Kingdom
Paul Revere forgot to bring the mini sandwiches to the Boston Tea Party.Photo by Jack Yang The British Parliament, responding to claims of election fraud within the …
Mall Santa “a Little Too Eager” To Let Kid Sit On His Lap
Jones reportedly signed a non-disclosure agreement with a statute of limitations claus.Photo by Jack Yang Public suspicion has been rising surrounding Heritage Plaza Mall Santa Carl Jones, …
Christmas Cancelled After Unmitigated Spread of COVID-19 in Santa’s Workshop
Santa was heard saying, “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Coughy, on Wheezy! On Comet, and Cupid, Fatigue, and Diseasey!”Photo by Sharon Roth As the end of the …
I Joined Four Different D&D Campaigns to Avoid My Own Trauma
(Art by Marcela Longhini) By Jaquelline Dalavash Avid D&D Campaigner Dungeons and Dragons has a reputation for being a nerdy game of dice, hexagons, and plastic …
How I Went From Lexa-Amateur to Lexapro
By Cleo Armstrong Emotionally Numb Bad Bitch Like you all, 2020 has hit me hard. I’m unemployed. Paying rent gets harder and harder every month. My …
