Articles
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
Microaggressions Actually Still Do Exist Because — vs. Actually, I’ll Explain This One, Brenda
Point: Microaggressions Actually Still Do Exist Because — Hello everyone. My name is Brenda and I work on the third floor. I called this meeting to …
Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill
BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …
New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”
Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …
Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans
One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …
Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks
“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …
Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker
“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …
Fourth-Year Student Looks Forward to 10th “Fresh Start to College” This Quarter
Chou asked: “I know my GPA is low, but what are my chances of being able to join CS this year?”Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local UCSD fourth-year …
Guy With Guitar in Zoom Lecture Definitely Knows His Mic is Still On
Velasquez credits professor Schmitty’s voice for having the perfect low volume to shred over.Photo by Jack Yang In the era of online education, it’s not uncommon for …
