Microaggressions Actually Still Do Exist Because —
Hello everyone. My name is Brenda and I work on the third floor. I called this meeting to talk about the threat of microaggressions in the workplace and what they look like. Microaggressions are subtle but offensive comments or actions directed at a member of a marginalized group that are often unintentionally offensive or unconsciously reinforce a stereotype. An example of this would be like when Jared interrupts me in the middle of a quarter evaluation meeting to reiterate my point with the same words that I used. Or when Harry stops Maria from talking just because he thinks that his point is more important for people to hear than hers, or just interrupting her because he wasn’t listening. Or when Derrik calls all of the women in the office “baby” and “sweetheart.” And when Ryan always asks Patrice why she doesn’t dress up for the office when she’s just in pants, nearly exactly what he’s wearing. Oh and how can I forget when Josh walks around the office, talking in a “bimbo” accent talking about misfiled papers or dropping the pot of coffee or a typo in the weekly evaluation. And when Brick —
Actually, I’ll Explain This One,
Get a load of Brenda guys, out on the ol’ microagression limb. Listen, if a woman really didn’t want you to explain something to her, she would tell you that, right? I’m not being rude or anything, I’m just telling the truth. There are so many things that we, as men, know that women just don’t get exposure to, and it’s honestly our duty to teach women these things so they can go out into the world with more knowledge, like knowledge on things like the Dodge Viper GTS and how many cylinders it has. She needs this information. I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. Also, when I do like a valley girl accent, it’s just a joke, like don’t take it so seriously, even if I’m always doing it when I’m talking to Patrice. No, like seriously, I get you think me doing this accent is like ‘detrimental to the way people view women’s intelligence’ and ‘it perpetuates a stereotype that women are only funny when they diminish their own intelligence’ but like I am just saying a joke. I am not perpetuating anything or being detrimental in any way, I am just saying a joke. On like an entirely unrelated note though, women really shouldn’t make fun of men being sexist. Like I have never said that women don’t deserve rights and like I have never catcalled a girl in like a serious way. You are just being mean when you make a joke about sexism around me. I take that stuff seriously, like when I’m just making a joke and you say “just like a man would say to a woman,” or when you say “kill all men,” that hurts my feelings. Like you are perpetuating a bad stereotype of men and if anything, you should be ashamed. Anyways, thank you all for listening and coming to this meeting. That is all I had to say, so everyone is excused.
Whether you’re at a FOOSH showcase or an MQ meeting, you’ll be sure to hear Hanaa Moosavi laugh—even through her own jokes, and we love her for it. You can catch Hanaa lurking on Facebook, serving her god Mark Zuckerberg as the Muir Quarterly Social and Publicity Ottoman. Hanaa has also been sighted chowing down on her favorite food in the Muir quad, developing her latest scheme to become the first emperor of America: one chaotic MQ comic at a time. That is, when she isn’t crying over dog pictures.