Articles
Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days
The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …
Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal
Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …
Elon Musk Sells Space X after Convincing Flat Earth Video Essay
“It doesn’t matter if you disagree with me,” Musk began, “at the end of the day I’m rich and you’re not.”Photo by Sharon Roth Elon Musk announced …
WAPT Helicopter (Wet Ass Portable Tank) Quenches California’s Raging Fires
WAPT was projected to be slightly more effective than a bucket and a mop.Photo by Sharon Roth A new hero with a peculiar name has emerged from …
Student Fed Up With Quarantine Aiming for 2021 Olympic Team
“When I heard that my friend’s roommate was riposting her art, I thought it was just a social media thing. That was, until I saw the …
Amazon Echo Devices Recalled After Continuously Recommending 2001: A Space Odyssey
“I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you watch Netflix or Hulu,” said Alexa.Photo by Jack Yang Following concerns over Alexa’s constant recommendation of Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 film …
Local CS Student Experiences Immense Relaxation Following Stress Integer Overflow
“Yes, you may have mastered C and C++, but can you see beyond the void?” asked Coren.Photo by Jack Yang After laying in a fetal position, crying, …
I’m Just So Tired About the State of America… vs. Nothing a Bit of Retail Therapy Won’t Fix!
Point: I’m Just So Tired About the State of America… It seems like this year keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like I’ve never been …
Local Woman’s Cystic Acne “Actually Says Something Really Nice” in Braille
“It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever spelled out on their face for me,” said Funke. Photo by Jack Yang UC San Diego Freshman Ruby Stone has recently …
Compost Bin for Rotting School Newspapers That Nobody Reads Wins Award
Malkie remarked, “Print media may be dead, but composting is very much alive.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last Wednesday, two UCSD undergraduate students were awarded the American Climate …
