Articles
UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled
Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …
Problems Local Student Has Had for Four Years Blamed on “Senioritis”
“I guess time really does fly by when you do nothing but witness the unending monotony of life,” said Chou.Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth year student Devin …
Daft Punk Self-Destruction in Desert Leads to Robot Strike
Upon hearing the news, the Hubble Space Telescope proclaimed, “I can’t believe my optical processors!”Photo by Maria Dhilla The two robots from the hit music duo, Daft …
Chancellor Khosla Finds Holy Grail in UCSD Wastewater
When one of the unpaid interns got their arms chopped off by an overzealous swing, Khlosa scoffed, “‘Tis but a scratch!”Photo by Jack Yang In an email …
Kamala Harris Under Fire for Staring at Joe Biden, Tapping Watch, and Sighing
White House staff reported seeing Vice President Harris writing “President Kamala Harris” over and over again on a legal pad.Photo by Maria Dhilla Despite being in office …
Gamers Find They Are Bisexual After Playing “Hades”
Ralphie Zabaria said, “If I’m going to hell, good.”Photo by Jack Yang A sharp spike in self-reported bisexuality has occurred in the United States following the release …
Medieval Times To Open Offshoot Branch Based on Roaring Twenties
A promotional offer reads: “If you subscribe to Medieval Times’ email list, we’ll send you chain mail!”Photo by Maria Dhilla Medieval Times CEO Kenneth Kim recently announced …
Vending Machine Mixup Has COVID Tests Replaced With Dildos
“Ask not what your university can dildo for you, ask what you can dildo to yourself,” posed Sterbater.Photo by Jack Yang Chaos erupted last Monday evening at …
Reagan can Trickle Down on MY Economy
By By Richard Montegomery III Future Millionaire Sometimes it’s hard to be living in America, especially right now because of the whole pandemic thing going on, …
Alexa? Teach me how to capture a woman’s heart. vs. Okay, here’s an article I found on “How to Capture a Woman, Murder her, and Sell Her Organs on the Black Market.”
Point: Alexa? Teach me how to capture a woman’s heart. Alexa? Teach me how to capture a woman’s heart. I mean really steal her heart in …
