Articles
Local Pony Not Horsing Around
Regarding Lopez’s pitchiness, spectators said, “Close is only good enough for horseshoes and hand grenades.”Photo by Sharon Roth Celebrity pony Burt Lopez made waves on social media …
Governor Newsom Found to be Leading a Double Life as Superhero: “The Gavin-ator”
“You win some, you Newsom,” said The Gavinator.Photo by Jack Yang In a feature piece posted online this past weekend, California Governor Gavin Newsom was revealed to …
Local Family Goes on Annual Ska Trip
Billy Johnson complained, “This trip was supposed to be Sublime.”Photo by Jack Yang In accordance with tradition, the infamous San Diegan family, the Johnsons, have completed their …
The Weeknd Delivers an Astonishing Allegory of Society via Super Bowl Halftime Show
A particularly philosophical commenter said, “One must imagine the Weeknd happy.”Photo by Jack Yang Grammy award-winning Canadian singer The Weeknd has been praised recently for his thought-provoking …
Elderly Welder Welding Wedding Rings Welcomes Internet Flame
While weddings between welders are beautiful, 50 percent of scrap is taken in the divorce.Photo by Jack Yang The TikTok algorithm has birthed another viral video from …
UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled
Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …
Problems Local Student Has Had for Four Years Blamed on “Senioritis”
“I guess time really does fly by when you do nothing but witness the unending monotony of life,” said Chou.Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth year student Devin …
Daft Punk Self-Destruction in Desert Leads to Robot Strike
Upon hearing the news, the Hubble Space Telescope proclaimed, “I can’t believe my optical processors!”Photo by Maria Dhilla The two robots from the hit music duo, Daft …
UCSD Builds New Student Parking Lot in Juneau, Alaska
“I can see the Russian studies department from here,” said one student.Photo by Maria Dhilla In an effort to address the lack of proper student parking on …
Ache of the Hummingbird Muffin
By Hummingbird M. UffinPastry-Adjacent Food Item Everyone asks how the food is, but nobody asks HOW the food is. I have endured true struggle in this …
