Politics
Libertarian Party Polls at Record Highs, Nobody Notices
Recent polls show Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson polling at an earth-shattering 13 percent versus Democratic and Republican candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, respectively. “This is …
Dakota Pipeline Helpfully Threatens Native Lands
Energy Transfer’s Dakota Access Pipeline, a projected crude oil pipe spanning North and South Dakota, Iowa, and Illinois, has received great praise in recent weeks for …
Tornado Unfairly Redistricts Communities, Republicans Say
Tragedy struck mainland Iowa this week when the worst tornado in recent history ripped its way through Madison and Des Moines. However, some are saying that …
Recently Reopened Planned Parenthood Re-closed
The national debate over reproductive rights took yet another unexpected turn as a Texas abortion clinic was re-closed for the 47th time since its opening in …
U.S. Makes Extra Small, Extra Large Wallets Adjusts to Income Inequality
Lead wallet producers across the nation are uniting to create new lines of wallets varying greatly in size, but all equally stylish. The shift in design …
California Union Union Members Go On Strike, Halting California Union Strikes
The California Union Union, the largest California professional “union union,” which protects union union members working in unions, went on strike Friday, effectively ceasing most of …
President Erdogan Outlines New Plan to Use Ataturk Rolling Over in Grave as Renewable Energy Source
The turmoil in Turkey following the recent failed coup attempt in July seemed to find a reprieve last week as Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan announced …
U.S. Bans All GMOs “Except the Really Cool Ones”
The FDA recently released a set of stricter guidelines for producing GMOs, allowing for only products exhibiting the highest scores in categories such as “color/shiny index …
Turkish Comic Jailed for Calling President Erdogan’s Hairline “The Real Migration Crisis”
The comedy club at the Tekirdag prison in Turkey welcomed a new member earlier in the month when local comedian Ersin Ozince was sentenced to twenty …
Population Embarks on Operant Conditioning of Government
In a new Gallup poll, a majority of Americans have admitted to being part of a large grassroots effort to try to train the government to …
