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Indian Children’s Playground Latest Battleground as Kashmiri Forces Attempt to Draw Line In The Sand

Written by: Barak Tzori

Indian Security forces were caught off guard last week when rebels from Kashmir attacked them on a playground in the town of Kathua. The rebels were …

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Children’s Book About Mean Frog “Not a Sociopolitical Metaphor,” Author Insists

Written by: Cole Greenbaun

The new children’s book by author Rachel Bradberry has been lauded recently for its “careful, subtle rhetoric about today’s society” despite the author’s claims that “it’s …

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Trump Places Gag Order on the Newly-Hired Alternative Fact Finder

Written by: Hannah Rosenblatt

President Trump has enacted another gag order, this time on official D.C. Fact Finder Jerry Verum early Tuesday morning, silencing Verum from communicating with the public …

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400 Million Dollars Sent to Haiti to Aid Cholera Outbreak; Fiji Water Plant Built

Written by: Brandon Mougel

In an act of incredible generosity, the United Nations (U.N.) has sent 400 million dollars to aid in the cholera outbreak in Haiti, which coincidentally began …

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Man Wakes from Worst Nightmare into Second Worst

Written by: Chris Jin

Area man Zachary Zhou found himself in a cold sweat late Saturday night as he suddenly awakened from what he described as his “absolute worst nightmare.” …

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Polls Show 0.7 Percent Increase in Clinton Support 70 Percent Decrease in Complete Sentences Used

Written by: Hannah Rosenblatt

Recent polls report Clinton gained a slight increase in support since the last presidential debate against GOP candidate Donald Trump; however, she is still being beaten …

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History Wishes Humanity Would Listen More Carefully, Is Tired of Repeating Itself

Written by: The MQ

A recent study conducted by historians yielded the unprecedented revelation that History would actually rather not keep repeating itself and really wishes humanity would take the …

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Donald Trump Plans to Hire Dick Wolf to Implement Law & Order Policy

Written by: Brandon Mougel

Handwritten notes found on Trump’s podium by Hofstra University janitor Philipe Santana after the first Presidential Debate seem to indicate who Trump has decided to hire …

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Millennials Dump Illuminati, Embrace Scientology as Ultimate Truth

Written by: Sage Cristal

In a surprising mass exodus, millennials are beginning to leave the Illuminati, one of the United States’ most popular cults, for a more “retro” form of …

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Trump Campaign Hires Tony the Tiger, “They’re Great”

Written by: The MQ

The formal resignation of former Trump Campaign Manager Kellyanne Conway early last week came as a surprise to Donald J. Trump for President, Inc. and the …