Campus
Eighth College Named
“Sure, it took us a while to brainstorm the new college name,” said Khosla. “But like they say, the fourth time’s the charm.”Photo by Jacob King …
Tritons Confused by Abstract New Brand Guidelines
“I guess if you can’t tell what their brand is, they can’t do anything that’s off-brand,” stated one student.Photo by Connor Betterly In a bid to …
Board of Education Investigates Chromosome “Homolog Agenda” in Biology Curriculums
“It’s Adam and Eve, not adenine and guanine,” insisted one parent.Photo by Sharon Roth Despite its widespread acceptance as part of a standard biology curriculum, parents …
Student Discovers Their iClicker Works Like Remote from “Click” Starring Adam Sandler
“A, A, A, A, A, A, A,” said one affected professor.Photo by Amit Roth At the beginning of the winter quarter, second-year student Eva Graveller learned …
Chancellor Khosla “Surprised” to Find Classified Documents in Office
“Classified? No, these are just top secret,” said Khosla.Photo by Julia Wong Following an anonymous tip, campus police and the Office of Internal Affairs conducted a …
Nicolas Cage Inspires Worship at Sun God
“You didn’t hear it from me,” whispered Cage, “but I heard there’s a treasure map on the back cover of The Cat in the Hat.”Photo by …
Professor Shows Subway Surfers Gameplay Videos During Lecture
Professor Ious is now allowing students to use Subway Surfers Coins to buy power-ups on exams.Photo by Julia Wong During this year’s winter class registration, students …
Climate Activist Throws Taco Bell Food Items at Sun God, Students Rejoice
“Scientists have said we’ll be on a time Crunchwrap even if we act now,” explained Daniel Gould.Photo by Amit Roth This past Friday at noon, on …
HDH Recruits Gordon Ramsay to Fix Their “Kitchen Nightmares”
“This chicken is so undercooked, it’s still crossing the road!” cried Ramsay.Photo by Julia Wong For years, students have rated their experience at the campus’ dining …
ITS Announces Hiring of Carrier Pigeons to Improve ResNet Speeds
“My carrier pigeon isn’t helping at all. It built a ResNest in my dorm!” exclaimed one student.Photo by James Woolley In response to growing complaints, UCSD’s …
