Stephen Lightfoot
UC System Announces Indentured Servitude as a Payment Option
Following an annual meeting of the UC Regents, a representative announced that the UC system will expand its payment options in response to increasingly harsh economic …
Area Student Buys Maximum Amount of Dining Dollars, Receives Fame and Glory
In an email sent out to students this past Friday, HDH announced that they were honoring Kay Cecil — an incoming Revelle student who was reportedly …
Local Student Avoids Rent by Barricading Himself in North America Hall
In a last-ditch effort to save money, ERC student Arin Jackson barricaded himself in North America Hall late last night. Though initially dismissed as a practical …
Elon Musk To Build Massive Space Gun, End Homelessness
In a press conference today, CEO and philanthropist Elon Musk announced two new business projects in the defense and public service industry. Though some speculated the …
Headlines Found To Be Most Frequently Read Part of Article
In a surprising study, researchers have concluded that the most read part of news articles, regardless of their content, are headlines. The study also found that graphics …
Busy Student Forced to Schedule Mental Breakdowns
After crying for five hours straight, ERC student Josie Lilian made the life-changing decision to add mental breakdowns to her already busy schedule. “As a student …
Man Awaiting Ultimate Heat Death of Universe Unimpressed by Rate of Global Warming
“Some people would say I’m a climate change denier,” Forms elaborated, “On the contrary, I consider myself a science and evidence-based man. All I’m saying is …
Local Man Gives Love a Bad Name, Is Shot Through the Heart
Local man Liam Flynn passed away after being shot during an altercation late Friday night. After an eight-hour manhunt, police caught the suspect, Kelsey Lorraine, in …
Local Man’s Seasonal Depression Revealed To Be Regular Depression
Until late last Wednesday, local man Jeremiah Anderson was believed to have been suffering from seasonal depression. It wasn’t until further inspection by those close to …
Antitrust Laws Break Up the PornHub Network, Ensuring Pornographic Equity
Teenagers, adults, and certain senior citizens were shocked last week as a groundbreaking antitrust case, United States v. MindGeek USA Inc., finally reached a verdict, tearing …
