Stephen Lightfoot

Stephen Lightfoot is Editor in Chief of The MQ.

Briefs

Fire Fighters Adopt New Strategy: Stop, Drop, Rock & Roll

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At an annual conference last week, the International Association of Fire Fighters unveiled a brand-new procedure for self-extinguishing fires, which the IAFF claimed was “guaranteed to …

Briefs

World’s Most Powerful Raccoon Actually Just Hundreds of Smaller, Less Powerful Raccoons

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After weeks of being terrorized by what appeared to be a nearly 60 foot tall raccoon, Sixth College students were relieved to find that the behemoth …

ArticlesLocalNews

“Whoever Smelt It, Dealt It” Policy Imprisons Hundreds of DEA Officers

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New reports from the Department of Justice have revealed that hundreds of police officers have been jailed across the nation for distribution of marijuana. Oddly enough, …

ArticlesLocalNews

MLB Unveils New Sport: Baseball 2

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In a surprise press release yesterday, the MLB announced that they had invented a groundbreaking new sport. Rob Manfred, Commissioner of the MLB, took to Twitter …

Briefs

Area Woman Sure She Doesn’t Want Crate & Barrel Card, Veteran Store Associate Disagrees

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Area woman Lily Petersen was shocked and disgusted when she was encouraged to apply for an in-store credit card at her local Crate & Barrel. “I’m …