Farhad Taraporevala
New Sports Announced for LA Olympic Games
Los Angeles constituents have formally opposed the construction of the 2024 Summer Olympic stadiums and housing out of concern that the buildings will go unused after …
Red Angels Drum Corps Raises Member Fees
For the fifth year in a row, the Red Angels Drum Corps has raised its member fees, this time to a record-setting $11,283 for the 2024 …
New Nobel Prize Category Announced
“The pen really is mightier than the sword,” said Hoofenshmirtz. “It allowed them to sign off on this bombshell announcement.”Photo by Millie You After 55 years, …
New Determinism Movement Sweeps Through Campus
At the beginning of fall quarter, The Determinism Movement, a new club founded at UC San Diego, set the record for the largest club on campus. …
Inedible Arrangements CEO Becomes World’s First Trillionaire
Inedible Arrangements CEO Honey Dew became the world’s first trillionaire after her flower startup’s stock became the most traded stock in NASDAQ history. The stock’s meteoric …
Mutated Sea Life Takes Over Coast Following Japanese Release of Treated Radioactive Water
“These plants show an appalling amount of sentience. I’m not sure what I’m gonna live off of,” said one vegan resident.Photo by Millie You On August …
NFL Releases Collaborative Script for New Season
“Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art — oh, shit, wrong play,” said Kenny Pickett.Photo by Amit Roth In a series of advertisements designed to raise excitement for …
How to Always Win Your Fantasy Football League
It’s a tale as old as time. September rolls around and your friends or colleagues invite you to join their fantasy football league. There’s just one …
US Treasury Loses Trillion Dollar Coin
With weeks until the debt default deadline and negotiations at a stalemate, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen enacted her plan. “Once I saw that Joseph and Kevin …
MLB Hires Striking TV Show Writers
“I’m gonna be great at this whole baseball thing,” said one writer. “I’ve already nailed my opening pitch.”Photo by Jacob King and Maria Dhilla Shortly after …
