Dan Kaliblotzky
Local White Person Plays Uno “Reverse” Card on Racism Accusation
San Diego resident Arnold Zimmerman, upon being arrested for a hate crime in an East County Denny’s, attempted to deflect charges by presenting the police with …
Dr Pepper Sued for Medical Malpractice
Jacob Rolloph, 27, died this week after a heart attack resulting from inappropriate medical treatment given by Dr Pepper. After the incident, Rolloph’s family discovered that …
In Aftermath of California Wildfires, Trump Bans Leaves
President Trump enacted an executive order on Monday December 3, to ban leaves scattered on forest floors. Because wildfires in California have led to significant damage …
After Positive Reception of “Detective Pikachu” Movie, SEGA Announces Upcoming “Secret Agent Sonic”
Director Pete Docter has expressed confidence that Secret Agent Sonic will surpass the popularity of Detective Pikachu. “Seriously, a talking pokemon? Not to mention realistic, furry …
Local Grandmother Struggles to Give Away the Most Food
San Diego Grandmother Ruth Klein reported difficulty upholding her usual habit of giving plenty of food to the neighborhood youth as trick-or-treaters roamed the neighborhood this …
Point/Counter Point
POINT: Parents, Watch Out for Drugs in Your Children’s Halloween Candy! Attention, fellow parents! It has recently come to my attention that marijuana products have a …
UC Berkeley Bans “The Great British Baking Show” for “Overly Friendly” Competition
UC Berkeley administration banned the public viewing or endorsement of the BBC television series “The Great British Baking Show” a few weeks into the new fall …
Local Father Completes IKEA Desk, Now a Furniture Crafting Celebrity
Local father and amateur Swede Joshua Nickelson completed “MICKE,” a black desk from IKEA, for his daughter’s college apartment last week. So impressed in his own …
Your Happy Place Destroyed in Hurricane, Insomnia Sweeping America
The imaginations of Americans everywhere have been impacted by Hurricane Destinee, a ravaging natural disaster that destroyed the Happy Place that helped millions fall asleep or …
World’s Oldest Fly Dies at 43 (Days)
A house fly famous in the La Jolla area for its longevity has recently passed away in UCSD student Richard Liu’s bathroom. The fly, affectionately named …
