World’s Oldest Fly Dies at 43 (Days)

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“I can’t believe how time flies. He will always be my pest friend,” Liu said.
Photo by: Sage Cristal

A house fly famous in the La Jolla area for its longevity has recently passed away in UCSD student Richard Liu’s bathroom. The fly, affectionately named SouthPest Airlines, spent his last days trying to eat CLIF Bar wrappers in the bathroom trash can. Initially dismissed as a normal pause in buzzing, Liu was devastated to find the death of his beloved geriatric insect companion.

“This past week has included some of my fondest memories with SouthPest,” Liu commented. “He was there for me every time I went to the bathroom with that same old expressionless bug face we’ve come to love so much. And I was there a lot. My roommate has been perfecting his enchilada recipe.”

In the mourning process for Airlines, Liu’s apartment has paid homage to the house fly by organizing a funeral that recognized the impact he had on his community. His achievements include keeping guard on the kitchen trash can, keeping guard on the bathroom trash can, and finally getting Ryan to throw out that rotten pear. Through tears, Ryan managed to add, “He even got me to take out the trash that one time. I can’t emphasize enough what an accomplishment that was. Not even Steven can get me to do that and he’s literally paying my rent this month.”

In response, two residents of the household broke into vigorous nodding as Steven scoffed and briefly tried to hold back tears of his own. The ceremony will commence next Thursday, which, according to Liu, was “SouthPest’s weekly relaxation spa day,” during which he would be found loitering next to cucumbers.

Airlines’ long life is reportedly attributed to his strict diet and exercise regimen. While in the kitchen, Airlines was frequently seen making rounds betweenthe produce and thetreadmill. “We were going to sell the treadmill, but we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it after seeing SouthPest’s commitment to his fitness journey,” Liu shared. “People told us that having a treadmill sitting around didn’t actually make you healthier if you didn’t use it, but I think SouthPest is proof of the contrary. He’s an inspiration to all of us.” Liu reportedly plugged-in the treadmill after a week of continued interest by Airlines. Some residents of the apartment even claimed to see the treadmill turned on at one point and no human has claimed responsibility for this as of yet.

According to Liu, South-Pest Airlines would have hoped for a healthier house fly population and “a peaceful coexistence between man and insect.” Liu and his roommates have sent a public statement vowing to care for Airline’s offspring with the same “commitment to health” and “love for life” that Airlines reportedly showed. “His legacy will never be forgotten,” the 300-word Facebook post promises. “I hope all of my friends leave a cucumber out to rot tonight, like a waving flag of peace to show the flies of the world that we are on their side with an unstoppable force of friendship. Also, all of you are college students. What else would you do with a cucumber, cook with it?”

MQ Uncle's Roomate

Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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