Local Women Gets New World Record on New Year’s Resolution “Any%” Speedrun

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Written by: Jacob King

Goodman said that she found a way to “clip into the kitchen” after demolishing the wall between it and the adjacent room.
Photo by Sharon Roth

When a new year is ushered in, many take the opportunity to set goals for themselves at a world-wide starting point. Even with the best of intentions, many people end up failing on their resolutions as new-year zeal fades into the monotony of regular life. One local woman, Kyghlie Goodman, refused to let that be the case. She decided that if spending a whole year on her goal would mean failing it, she would “be efficient and complete it while the fire was still burning inside.” Goodman stated, “Not only will I complete this goal for myself, I’ll also do it for my five thousand followers on TikTok.”

“I want to do this to show that anything is possible if you try hard enough,” said Goodman in one of her dozens of TikToks about her journey. She started posting about her plan on New Years’ Eve in a TikTok where she described that her goal was to go to the gym more and eat healthier. In that same video, Goodman described her idea to speed up the completion of her resolution by limiting it to the first week of the year. Her TikTok quickly became popular on the platform, reaching three million likes by the start of the new year. Many people commented about being interested in her journey, but not all of them were supportive. One top comment reads, “you clearly don’t understand that point of New Year’s resolutions” reaching almost two thousand likes. Another comment insulted Goodman, calling her names like “dumb white woman,” and a “parasitic, anaerobic, non-nucleic amoeba who probably doesn’t even know what any of those words mean.”

Even with the internet’s negative reaction, Goodman completed her goal and on January 7th, she posted a TikTok announcing it saying “without you guys, there would be no way I would have completed my goal. Your constant likes and comments are really why I did this.” The comments on this post were more positive than previous ones, with many suggesting that she post her time on the popular video game speed running website speedrun.com. Goodman, who was “initially hesitant,” ended up posting her results in the newly created “New Year’s Resolution Any%” category. “I actually think this is a great way to get people to follow through on their goals,” said Goodman. “People love competition and the best way to get people to complete their resolutions is to turn them from an internal quest for improvement to a competition that they can win at.”

Goodman was correct in her thinking, as the category quickly rose to popularity on speedrun.com and then became a trend on TikTok. While trying to quickly complete a resolution like “going to the gym” may not cause problems, experiences with trying to speed through other resolutions have been more problematic. One user, whose resolution was to make more friends, posted a video of himself creating what police described as a “hostage situation.”

The police have reported that the individual rounded up all customers in a local coffee shop and threatened them with a gun until they agreed to be his friends. “He kept weirdly smiling at us and saying that the police were being ‘un-poggers’ and that if we acted ‘weirdchamp’ he would shoot us,” said one witness. In response to these dangerous actions, both TikTok and speedrun.com have reportedly tried to crack down on the trend, but it ultimately has grown beyond control. It is predicted that the world will be resolutionless by March.

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