Volume 30 Issue 7
UCSD Purchases Fleet of Invisible Buses
“I finally learned what the inside of a black hole looks like,” said Katherine Cambpell. “I was rather disappointed to find out it was just a …
Mysterious Chef Seen in Revelle Construction Zone
This past week, the Vice Chancellor’s office announced the opening of another construction zone in Revelle Plaza, effectively closing the entire walkway. This announcement came just …
Family of Four Moves Next to Bomb Factory, Surprised by Frequent Explosions
“When the realtor said the deal was dynamite, I assumed they meant the price!” said Suzie Smith.Photo by Jordan Whitlow The newly moved-in Smith family was …
Congress Comes Out with ‘Don’t Say Straight’ Bill
“We just want to set the record str— uh… heterosexual,” said Barack Obama.Photo by Amit Roth Last month, President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. announced the BiPartisan …
‘Exceptionally Joyous’ American Makes US Happiest Country in the World
“They’re a glass full kinda guy,” said Chidi Pea.Photo by Destiney Friday After years of substandard rankings, the United States was ranked as the world’s happiest …
Taylor Swift Overcomes Cult of Personality and Industry Monopoly to Top the Charts
Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poet’s Department was met with mixed reviews from critics and broad commercial success when it debuted on April 19. “All 32 songs …
Horoscopes – May 2024
⦿ Gemini ⦿ May 21 – June 20Happy Gemini season! This month, your power-ups include perfectly reheating pizza, doing one point better than average on your …
HDH Changes Menu Following FDA Crackdown
“I still get food poisoning, but now I know exactly why,” said one student.Photo by Kai Nguyen The Triton2Go Mobile Order app has long been a …
