“When the realtor said the deal was dynamite, I assumed they meant the price!” said Suzie Smith.
Photo by Jordan Whitlow
The newly moved-in Smith family was in their backyard enjoying a pleasant Sunday afternoon when they were startled by an explosion from the nearby La Jolla Bomb Factory. They soon learned that this would not be a one-time experience. Suzie Smith, mother of the Smith family, reported that there are at least 45 explosions during the week, often at completely random times. Despite this, the family is “still very glad that [they] were able to buy this home for only $5 million.”
The explosions are nothing new, as they have been going on for over 70 years, according to a local senior, Michael Burst. “Ever since that damn factory opened, we haven’t been able to hear anything else but those god-awful explosions. It’s despicable,” Burst said.
Despite the constant noise, many families like the Smiths keep coming to the neighborhood due to the relatively low housing prices. “I understood that there would be trouble with the bomb factory, but I thought it would be worth it for my family to be able to live in a nice house,” said homeowner Jake Smith. “I just didn’t think there would be so many explosions.” Since the factory’s opening, the surrounding neighborhood value has decreased to 5% of its original value. Priced between $3 million and $7 million, these are the cheapest housing options in La Jolla.
The owner of the La Jolla Bomb Factory, Bob Boomer, claims that he “totally gives a shit” about the surrounding community, but they “should have paid more attention to the loud-ass explosions” when they were searching for a house. While community leaders have been trying to reach a solution, Boomer said he staunchly believes that the constant explosions are “a necessary part of business and actually help the neighborhood.” He reasoned that without his factory’s explosions, most of the middle to upper-class families would have been replaced with “super-upper-class families.”
Despite this, many residents say that the factory is causing more problems than it is solving. Jake Smith has noticed that the near-constant explosions have become “almost as quiet as a rat in a cat store,” and said he believes that he has developed profound hearing loss.
Despite these concerns, Boomer has denied any potential health risks, saying, “The explosions have no scientifically studied effects on the human body, mostly because we’ve been paying people specifically not to study them, so it shouldn’t be a problem, dumbass.” While it seems that the La Jolla Bomb Factory will not be making any adjustments to its explosion output, the factory will be hosting a block party “to show the youth that the bomb factory is actually good for them.”
