Volume 27 Issue 3
Ancient Mayan Typo Found: Apocalypse Predicted for 2021
“It’s not the intern’s fault, he doesn’t get a lot of dates,” said a researcher.Photo by Sharon Roth Scholars studying and translating the ancient Mayan calendar have …
US Election Results to be Graded on a Curve Because Class Average is 50 Percent
Drawing arbitrary lines was easy for the Republicans after all their practice gerrymandering.Photo by Sharon Roth Due to the “uncertainty” in the results of the recent presidential …
Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”
An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …
Florida Governor Passes “Frenchifying” Mandate to Boost European Tourism
The water skier was reportedly heard saying, “Ouiiiii!”Photo by Sharon Roth Many Florida residents are outraged by a new mandate passed by Governor Jean-Claude Bernard requiring all …
Chargers Coach “Finally” Figures Out How to Not Lose Close Games
Chargers Coach “Finally” Figures Out How to Not Lose Close Games After years of having the worst record in the NFL in one-score games, including multiple …
UC San Diego to Convert Lecture Halls to Outdoor Classrooms by Removing Ceilings
This is part of the university’s initiative to push students to reach for the stars.Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced a bold …
The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence
The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence According to the latest reports from the CIA, the ubiquitous “Jack” commonly referred to …
Election Results Uncertain, US to be Returned to the United Kingdom
Paul Revere forgot to bring the mini sandwiches to the Boston Tea Party.Photo by Jack Yang The British Parliament, responding to claims of election fraud within the …
Local Phantom Kicked Out of Opera for Ineffective Mask
Local Phantom Kicked Out of Opera for Ineffective Mask A regular guest of the Paris Opera House known as “The Phantom of the Opera” was recently …
