Volume 27 Issue 1
Florida Man Goes Inside for the First Time in Months
When asked about his pet alligator, Florida Man remarked, “Gator? I hardly know her!”Photo by Andrew Sitko The subject of many reporters’ interest and psychologists’ bafflement, Florida …
Girl With Imposter Syndrome Undergoes Startling Transformation
Girl With Imposter Syndrome Undergoes Startling Transformation Alexandra Dumonte awoke last Tuesday morning to find that her face and body had changed “into someone she completely …
Ringing In Area Woman’s Ears Found to be Tinnitus, not Klaxons Signaling the End of Days
The doctor asked whether payment through mail was okay, to which Jiao responded, “Nothing gets through my chainmail.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Sabrina Jiao was shocked …
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas
Antifa Reported In Larned, Kansas On the 19th of September locals of the small town of Larned, Kansas reported a mysterious stranger in a fedora and …
Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal
Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …
Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values
Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values In an attempt to assert his faith during a discussion about the “Merry Christmas” vs. “Happy Holidays” debate, local …
Elon Musk Sells Space X after Convincing Flat Earth Video Essay
“It doesn’t matter if you disagree with me,” Musk began, “at the end of the day I’m rich and you’re not.”Photo by Sharon Roth Elon Musk announced …
Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants”
Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants” Following Governor Gavin Newsom’s proposed 2035 ban on the sale of gas-powered cars in California, several automobile …
WAPT Helicopter (Wet Ass Portable Tank) Quenches California’s Raging Fires
WAPT was projected to be slightly more effective than a bucket and a mop.Photo by Sharon Roth A new hero with a peculiar name has emerged from …
Local Graduate Surprised High School Classmate Isn’t Involved In Pyramid Scheme
Local Graduate Surprised High School Classmate Isn’t Involved In Pyramid Scheme In what has been described as “quite pleasant surprise,” UC San Diego graduate Kendrick Nolan …
