Volume 27 Issue 1

ArticlesLocalNews

Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill

Written by: Jack Yang

BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …

ArticlesCampusNewsPolitics

New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”

Written by: Megan Cox

Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans

Written by: Sharon Roth

One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …

ArticlesLocalNews

Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …

ArticlesLocalNews

Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …

ArticlesCampusNews

Guy With Guitar in Zoom Lecture Definitely Knows His Mic is Still On

Written by: Adian Valdez

Velasquez credits professor Schmitty’s voice for having the perfect low volume to shred over.Photo by Jack Yang In the era of online education, it’s not uncommon for …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

I’m Just So Tired About the State of America… vs. Nothing a Bit of Retail Therapy Won’t Fix!

Written by: Stephen Lightfoot

Point: I’m Just So Tired About the State of America… It seems like this year keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like I’ve never been …

ArticlesLocalNews

“Men Are Just Funnier,” Claims Man After Saying a Woman’s Joke, But Louder

Written by: Megan Cox

When asked where he gets his material, Ackerson said, “I dunno, it just kinda comes to me.”Photo by Jack Yang A workspace dispute escalated at a local …

Briefs

Republican Party Thrown Without Safety Measures, Several Students Expelled

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

Republican Party Thrown Without Safety Measures, Several Students Expelled Several COVID cases have recently been traced to a party thrown by UCSD College Republicans, leading to …

ArticlesLocalNews

Spider Ready to Make Giant Web in Your Living Room Disappointed Your Family Didn’t Go on Vacation This Summer

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“Uh … let me be clear,” said Barachnid Obama, “We need to get this family out.”Photo by Jack Yang Local spider Barachnid Obama, in a recent “Charlotte’s …