Volume 27 Issue 1

ArticlesLocalNews

Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill

Written by:

BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …

ArticlesCampusNewsPolitics

New From the CDC: “Social Distancing Rules Still Apply, Even if You Really Really Need a Hug”

Written by:

Whittman stated: “These pillows are so fluffy, I might not even go back to people after this.”Photo by Jack Yang In a recent press conference, the Center …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Chef Opens Dessert Chain, OnlyFlans

Written by:

One dissenter said, “Who would go all the way to a store to get desserts? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for …

ArticlesLocalNews

Instagram Influencer Predicts the Future by Reading Makeup Smears on Face Masks

Written by:

“The spirits are telling me you haven’t been following me on Instagram. Would you like my handle?” asked Welch.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot In the age of Instagram …

ArticlesLocalNews

Molecular Gastronomist Sticks “This Machine Kills Fascists” Sticker on Nitro Foam Maker

Written by:

“This dish is pretty conceptual, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t understand it on the first taste,” said Tenshuss.Photo by Stephen Lightfoot Local Restaurateur Pete …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Child Convinces Conservative Mother to Purchase Doom Eternal

Written by:

Anderson later claimed that many of the Bible’s tragedies were times God forgot to quicksave.Photo by Jay Noonan Jeffrey Anderson, a 10-year-old resident of Del Mar, has …

Briefs

Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values

Written by:

Christian Man Once Again Asserts “Judeo”-Christian Values In an attempt to assert his faith during a discussion about the “Merry Christmas” vs. “Happy Holidays” debate, local …

ArticlesNewsTech

Elon Musk Sells Space X after Convincing Flat Earth Video Essay

Written by:

“It doesn’t matter if you disagree with me,” Musk began, “at the end of the day I’m rich and you’re not.”Photo by Sharon Roth Elon Musk announced …

Briefs

Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants”

Written by:

Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants” Following Governor Gavin Newsom’s proposed 2035 ban on the sale of gas-powered cars in California, several automobile …

ArticlesLocalNews

WAPT Helicopter (Wet Ass Portable Tank) Quenches California’s Raging Fires

Written by:

WAPT was projected to be slightly more effective than a bucket and a mop.Photo by Sharon Roth A new hero with a peculiar name has emerged from …