Volume 24 Issue 1
Quarter System to Be Replaced by More Rigorous Quarter Quarter System
The University of California has decided to move away from the quarter system at its universities. According to statements released by the UC, the quarter system …
“HOT SLOTS” Found to be A Social Media Mystery
Ezra Lambert, a self-identified millennial, awoke to a vague and confusing text message on his iPhone last Wednesday morning. The message contained various references to stripclubs, …
Protagonist is “Nothing but Dust in the Wind”
Area final boss Ersatzy, Crown of the Void’s Teeth, was heard proclaiming that local protagonist Avery Puck was “like him, nothing but dust in the wind, …
UCSD Hypnotist Discovered to Incorporate Threats in Act
To commemorate Muir College’s 50th anniversary, Chuck Milligan, a security guard-turned hypnotist, was brought to entertain first year students. This seemingly well-intentioned rousing of limp students …
Chip-On-Your-Shoulder Recently Promoted to Time- To-Freak-The- Fuck-Out-Alarm
An up-and-coming Chip On Your Shoulder has been slowly but surely building up its confidence to become more than a minor nag. After successfully spreading its …
