Written by: The MQ

Area final boss Ersatzy, Crown of the Void’s Teeth, was heard proclaiming that local protagonist Avery Puck was “like [him], nothing but dust in the wind, nothing but a chemical accident whose time would soon run out.” Ersatzy then ascended into FORM 3 – STAR-EATER LEVIATHAN, and grew enormous wings and claws before alighting on the roof of a Best Buy.

Ersatzy began clashing with Puck several weeks ago, when he revealed that UCSD student Max Hoch was a cover identity used to infiltrate Puck’s social circle to strike down their friends. After Ersatzy critically injured student Jack Chen, he discarded the shape of Max and used his supernatural powers to escape Puck’s pursuit. Puck, who was heard swearing to Chen that they would avenge him, was not seen until two days ago, shortly before their confrontation with Ersatzy.

“It’s been a long journey,” said Puck shortly before the confrontation, “but my friends are here for me.” Puck then apologized for having to leave so soon, saying they needed to make sure to talk to each of their friends individually before starting the boss battle.

The battle between Puck and Ersatzy is expected to nearly shatter reality itself; however, experts predict that once it concludes, observers’ memories of the incident fade away, as if by magic.

Written by: Kavi Poduri

The premier satire magazine at UC San Diego.

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