To commemorate Muir College’s 50th anniversary, Chuck Milligan, a security guard-turned hypnotist, was brought to entertain first year students. This seemingly well-intentioned rousing of limp students and the anatomically impossible became the cornerstone of day one festivities. Unbeknownst to the Muir student body, their naive peers fell under the “influence” of the disturbed man who used threats rather than real hypnosis.
In discussing the inner workings of the leader’s hobby, one of the students said, “Yeah, he basically threatened me and then leaned in close and told me that I’m now Britney Spears. At that point, I figured I should just listen to him.” As the student who insisted to remain anonymous recounted the events of the night before, he grew more and more perturbed. “He also somehow knew where I lived.”
After being told that the mic did not pick up these supposed threats, the student responded, “Okay, but is somebody going to do something about this phony hyposis?”
The whereabouts of the strange man has yet to be confirmed much to the student’s horror, and to make matters worse, Muir has decided to proceed with the week’s events with no sign of postponements.
Samantha Cane is a second-year literature major at UCSD. She is the current Copy Editor of the MQ.