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New Gubernatorial Candidate Promises ‘It’ll All Get Better’
“We should be at brunch right now,” said one median voter.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Emerging from the “crowded” race for California governor comes another candidate intending …
Student Re-Discovers RestroomsAfter Species Declared Endangered
“I knew that hunting regulation would come in handy,” said the bathroomologist.Photo by David Muñoz and Dylan Schmidt With the imminent reopening of Pines and Roots, …
Rumor Mills Shut down Nationwide, Gossip Majors Left Scrambling
“The Shrimp Jesus situation isn’t just crazy, it’s scandalous,” produced ChatGPT.Photo by Dylan Schmidt A record number of rumor mills have closed down operations nationwide, leaving …
Girl Scouts Introduces New Cookie: The ‘Marijuana Munchie’
“HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME,” said The Tweaker.Photo by David Muñoz To make up for losses from “disappointing” winter cookie sales at UC San Diego, …
Price Center Taco Bell Closes for Renovations
“When will they crunch-wrap-up the construction?” asked one eager student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to Kay Sadilla, manager of the Taco Bell at UC San Diego’s …
Just an Everyday Guy Loved by Billions (of Dollars)
Hey, ahah, could you spare me a dollar? Sorry, sorry, kidding. You took me back to my roots when I saw what you were wearing, back …
AUTISM DEEMED ‘TRENDY’
In a recent internet frenzy, users have crowned autism as the new “trendy thing to have.” Followers of this trend have flooded social media sites with …
