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ArticlesNewsPolitics

President Trump Announces Plan to Leave the EU

Written by: Quoc Tran

Trump later tweeted that he was sure the US’ performance of “God Bless Texas” would win the Eurovision contest despite it not being an original song.Photo …

ArticlesCampusNews

Local Student Caught Googling How to Painlessly Break Leg After Rumors of Military Draft

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

Before the hammer was swung, Krohner reportedly cried out, “Stop! Uhh, don’t you think a wrench would work better?”Photo by Sharon Roth Fourth-year Marshall student Tamara Krohner …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Cats Gets Two Paws Up

Written by: Robert Renfro

Sorry, I know this movie came out a while ago, but this review took a while to write. Hopefully I end up submitting it on time. …

ArticlesCampusNews

Local Biology Professor Loses Funding After Lab Stocked With Antibacterial Soap

Written by: Sharon Roth

Sources heard the bacteria protesters shouting: “Please, just one sneeze! We’re starving!”Photo by Jay Noonan Longtime cell biology researcher Alexander Conrad recently announced that his lab lost …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help vs. Okay, but First Can We Stop Those Men From Wearing Shorts That are Too Short?

Written by: Varsha Varkhedi

Point: Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help I was so devastated to hear about the Australian fires. Just thinking about all those animals …

Features

Lesser-Known Presidents of the United States

Written by: The MQ

Lesser-Known Presidents of the United States Most people think there have only been 45 presidents in American history, but revisionist history books omitted some lesser-known leaders …

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Valentine’s Day Grams

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesEditorialOpinionUncategorized

A Reflection on the Past Decade Shows That Things Really Are Improving

Written by: Pilan Scruggs

With the year of optometry rapidly approaching, many of you are reminiscing on the past decade and wondering what will happen next. Some of you, in …

Sunday Comics

Briefs

Coronavirus Outbreak Thrills White America

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Coronavirus Outbreak Thrills White America With news of the entire city of Wuhan being quarantined, fears of a global outbreak of Novel Coronavirus has been expressed …