Written by: Andrew Sitko

Coronavirus Outbreak Thrills White America

With news of the entire city of Wuhan being quarantined, fears of a global outbreak of Novel Coronavirus has been expressed all around the world. Novel Coronavirus has been watched intently by the world, as it has spread quickly and adapts at an alarming rate. While many organizations scramble to research and raise funds for relief, one group has announced they are relieved the pandemic is spreading: white America.

White Americans have expressed their support for developing stories on Novel Coronavirus on social media platforms like Twitter. User PatriotMom7583 wrote: “I’m glad that the Coronavirus broke out in China, it serves them right for eating a diverse food selection that I have little understanding over, making me see it in a bad light.”

Another user, Bdawg387 stated: “People used to call my aversion to Asian people racist, but now since every white person is actively covering their mouth when near someone who looks vaguely Chinese, I don’t get called out anymore!”

White America is banding together to “protect our Aryan children’s futures” by petitioning the inclusion of a new law: the Coronavirus Susceptible People Exclusion Act of 2020. The bill defines Coronavirus through its susceptibility by ethnic origin, based heavily in the Eastern Hemisphere, excluding Russia. The bill is due to be debated in the House of Representatives next month.

Managing Editor at The MQ

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

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