Top Ten
Top Ten Problems Hiding Under Your Kitchen Sink
A smaller kitchen sink Your downstairs neighbors The bleach and ammonia are getting too cozy together Your foot — you’ve been stuck here for hours The …
Top Ten Reasons to Love Election Years
You really love seeing rich white people tell you why they’re exactly like you Stealing yard signs is your favorite pastime You were in danger of …
Top Fifteen Similarities Between Meeting Your Roommates and the Cuban Missile Crisis
Created a rift of tension for the next 40 years You were an hour late for it You went into it with the intent of imposing …
Top Ten Similarities Between a DMV Office and the Mariana Trench
You can pee anywhere and no one will care At least the water cooler is full Threat of drowning, in paperwork or otherwise Both are Paul …
Top Ten Things Overheard on Move-in Day
I’ve Googled it a bunch, but I still don’t know who this Sixth person is I aced all of high school, so I’m sure I’ll have …
Top Ten Ways to Show Up at a Wedding Unannounced
In 2003, with a search warrant for WMDs With a ring to propose to your girlfriend who’s the maid of honor While admitting that no, you …
Top Ten Ways You Can Rephrase your College Experience for Your Resume
Did extensive four-year study on the effect of an all-carb diet on health and mental wellness “According to my blood tests, I’m actually 73 percent a …
Top Ten Ways to Get Out of the Conversation “How’s School Going?”
Crumple a potato chip bag and say “Oh, we’re breaking up. I can’t hear you” “My law degree is going well, but first I’d like to …
Top Ten Lesser-Known Crimes that Will Still Get You 30 to Life
Downloading a car Lying on your music practice card “Marriage, am I right, sonny boy?” Public un-nudity in a nudist colony Leaving your freshman suite door …
Top Ten Things Lassie Was Actually Trying to Tell You
I pushed Timmy down a well You really need to do a better job fake-crying if you really want that Emmy Be sure to drink your …
