- Santa’s allergic to nerds
- He got injured in the War on Christmas
- You live in Antarctica, and he can’t really justify the commute
- He knew exactly what you were gonna use that VR headset for
- Santa’s real, but you aren’t
- Endangered species laws were repealed, and he didn’t make it past Texas
- You forgot to change your legal place of residence
- He heard you were talking shit
- What made you think Santa wanted vegan cookies?
- He kissed your mom last year, and now things are just too awkward
Last modified: January 15, 2019
