Articles
Mandeville Gallery Starts Sending Art from the Future
“I don’t know if I can milk 250 words out of this for my discussion post,” said student Scheele Breen.Photo by Jordan Whitlow UC San Diego’s …
5G Towers Found to Spread Cell Service
“Phages hate this one trick,” said undergraduate research assistant Polly Merrace.Photo by Theo Erickson A recent breakthrough study led by Gervin Hernandez, an electrical engineer with …
Ridge Walk Introduces FasTrak Lane
“And I… I took the Trak less traveled by,” said literature major Carol Quickley.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Starting in Fall 2025, UC San Diego will be …
Weather Forecast Now Shows Chances of CEO Assassination
“Wait, so does ‘20%’ mean 20% coverage of bullet rain, or that there’s a 20% chance of bullet rain?”asked Fawner.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After the assassination …
Donald Trump Steps Down to Become Whale Psychiatrist
“Please don’t use whale puns. They don’t like them. It’s not good for them,” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow After pardoning himself for “everything he had …
NFL Declares Hundred-Year Study on Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy
“My head hurts,” said one player.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced a new initiative aimed at understanding the long-term …
Elon Musk Takes Place as First Gentleman
“Trump keeps calling himself a coal-powered power bottom,” said a White House staff member.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Two weeks ago, the United States presidential inauguration marked …
Dating My Campus Crush Went Wrong?
It all started the first week of school when I went to a “First-Years in Seventh from the Northeast Part of Akron, Ohio” mixer. I saw …
Geekvape Launches Pacifiers
“I am ripping phat cloudz off this cart. JUULius Caesar is almost empty,” said preschooler Little Jimmy.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Geekvape, a leading manufacturer of electronic …
UCSD Acquires Trolley for Student Housing
“Next station: Blue Line Hall,” stated the trolley intercom. “La siguiente estación: Blue Line Hall. Blue Line Hall is next.”Photo by Amit Roth A recently declassified …
