Articles
Khosla Declares UCSD Tuition ‘Too Low’
“I’m proud to announce that we no longer have students living under the poverty line,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Justin Xu At a recent press conference, …
Iowa Becomes First Woman-Free State
“How can I be a misogynist when I don’t even miss the women?” asked Governor Mannington.Photo by Amit Roth In the six months following the enactment …
Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism vs Fuck You, I’m Mickey Mouse
POINT: Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism Back in my day, characters could only be owned by a company for about 14 …
UCSD Implements Official Land Acknowledgment ‘Thanks to ChatGPT’
“As a human representative of this university, I am not contractually obligated to show empathy,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Alongside an announcement released by …
MOM’s Adopts a Child
“We’re not a mom and pop shop, we’re a mom and mom shop!” said Mah Mi.Photo by Connor Betterly In 1967, MOM’s (Middle of Muir) Café …
Man Gets What He Wants by Wishing upon a Star
“I tried to wish on the star too,” said Richard #29, “but nothing happened.”Photo by Dylan Schmidt In a series of events reported as “rare” by …
Disney Copyrights ‘Everything’
“I think these copyright laws are really Goofy… I mean silly!” said Benson Honeydid.Photo by Julia Wong Following the recent introduction of the classic Disney short …
Tesla Is the Future of Accessibility vs. How Do I Open These Fucking Doors
POINT: Tesla Is the Future of Accessibility The worst thing to happen to anybody just happened to me. I’m temporarily disabled because of a tragic bus …
Read Me Like One of Your French Books
I remember the day I was purchased like it was yesterday. I was sitting on a shelf at the store with my siblings, waiting, just waiting …
Christmas Decor to Change Alongside Climate
“We’re going to get a lot of coal this Christmas,” said Jolly McTinsel.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to focus group data from holiday retail giant Mallhark, …
