POINT: Disney Is a Striking Example of the Proliferation of Capitalism

Back in my day, characters could only be owned by a company for about 14 years before falling into the public domain. But due to Disney’s god-awful meddling in the good ol’ US-of-A’s legal system, that is a thing of the past. The Founding Fathers of this great country — whom I knew personally — would be disappointed to find out that corporations in this country can just change the laws in order to make their businesses more and more profitable, even when they are just making life terrible for the rest of us. Those poor kids have to wait over 70 years just to make a Calvin & Hobbes-themed horror game. Nowadays, us old folk see all the youngins celebrating over Steamboat Willie being released to the public domain like it is something rare, but it should be like a normal event. You may celebrate the release of the hostage mouse, but you have forgotten the righteous anger you felt when Mickey was kept from you in the first place.

If we lived under a government that actually cared about its citizens, it would think twice before letting some massive corporation change the very laws that hold this nation together. Hell, that is why there is an opioid epidemic! Now, I don’t like complimenting the UK because of my service in the Continental Army, but at least they don’t allow drug ads on TV. And now we have this lousy entertainment industry where everything is a multiverse, and even mentioning the characters can result in the Mouse eviscerating you financially.

Basically, this destructive growth of capitalism is perfectly demonstrated by Disney because of the raw power that the Mouse holds over the entertainment industry, like a corporation executive forcing his impoverished animators to draw hundreds of frames during Christmas.

COUNTERPOINT: Fuck You, I’m Mickey Mouse

Hiya pal, while I understand your frustrations with the big D, I think you need to realize who you’re talking about. Yeah, I know your old ass thinks, “Oh boy, I sure hope the goals of some unfathomably rich organization doesn’t involve twisting the US legal system inside out, aw gee!” Guess what, they do, and I get to wake up every morning next to my lovely wife (Minnie Mouse) and my dog (Pluto), all thanks to the great American dream: becoming so rich that laws follow you. Hot diggity dog! Any (rich) American can do this, so why don’t you socialist bootlickers go back to your gross communist countries and leave us true Americans here to enjoy our swimming pools full of cash.

I know your type. You will always want the country to change, but I — and the other wealthy people, such as my friend Eli Lilly — want everything to stay exactly the same (unless it would be more profitable to change). Here is some advice: all you need is a little bit of magic and apathy towards the idea of “kindness,” and you can create your own megacorporation too! Basically, get with the times and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Toodles!