Articles
We’ve Got to Do Something about This Rat Problem vs There’s No Such Thing as a ‘Rat Problem’
Folks, we’ve gotta do something about this rat problem. I used to not have a problem with the rats. They were harmless at first. Sometimes, when …
Coca-Cola Unveils New Ad Campaign to Kill the Polar Bears
“Be the climate change you want to see in the world,” said Chief Marketing Officer Klymat Chang.Photo by Amit Roth Beverage giant Coca-Cola announced in a …
HDH Enacts Quarterly Speed Dating Trials
“The incessant buzzing of the fluorescent lights really sets the mood,” said one student.Photo by James Woolley For the past two quarters, UC San Diego Housing, …
Last S Spot Declared UNESCO World Heritage Site
“What the hell did the S even stand for?!” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Over the course of the last school year, the university’s Parking …
Neuralink Announces Amygdala Removal Surgery
“The NARC chip has a dual benefit of alerting the authorities every time someone thinks about using opiates,” said Alma Bowls.Photo by Julia Wong With Neuralink’s …
Why I Think Leprechauns Aren’t Real
That dreaded time of year is now almost upon us. My first-grade class will soon insist on catching a leprechaun in time for St. Patrick’s Day. …
TikTok Announces Opiate-Based User Retention Strategy
“I can’t believe my friends just take whatever drugs companies push on them,” said one conference attendee, taking a hit from their Juul.Photo by Connor Betterly …
Khosla Converts Audrey Geisel House into Airbnb
“He keeps eating my freaking yogurt,” said one mansion resident.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Since Fall Quarter 2021, UC San Diego has faced an unprecedented housing crisis, …
Trump Discovered to Be Immune to Every Disease, Including ‘Rule of Law’
“That’s right,” Donald Trump said. “My bloodstream rejects all foreign bodies!”Photo by Dylan Towner and Amit Roth Last Tuesday, a “groundbreaking” medical discovery was announced by …
UCSD to Release Anime Featuring John Muir, Roger Revelle as Romantic Leads
“We need another college named after a woman,” said one Archive of Our Own writer. “I need a yuri series next.”Photo by Julia Wong Touted by …
