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Chancellor Khosla Announces New Evil Department

Written by: Cole Johnson

“Finally, I can pick the greater of two evils,” said one student.Photo by Dylan Schmidt An email sent by Chancellor Pradeep Khosla last Thursday announced that …

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Las Vegas Consumed by Plague of Moths

Written by: Dylan Schmidt

“I was drawn to it like a moth to a… like a… like… um…” said one moth.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Only a few months after the …

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I Need Coding Help vs What, Like It’s Hard?

Written by: Annelise McCullough

A person’s ability to learn a new language declines after age 12, so why am I, in my early 20s, expected to learn and become fluent …

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Amazon and Boeing Announce Joint Microtransit Venture

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“Still beats flying with United,” said Ahsoak Ingwethi.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Jeff Bezos was flown to the stage by three drones to announce his latest venture, …

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I Am the Hydro Flask That Falls in Your Lecture

Written by: Beth Becker

I hear people have been complaining about the occasional, small, itty-bitty noise that I make when I fall in your 8 a.m. lecture (it’s not like …

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US Military Tours Homeless Encampments for Career Exploration

Written by: Sophie Pubb

This is an interesting conundrum,” said a member of the middle class. “I respect the troops, but I hate the homeless.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow This past …

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Rising Sea Levels to Extinguish Forest Fires

Written by: James Woolley

“Californians were happy that they had no more forest fires — before they all drowned,” said Future Senator Petrol G. Ascot.Photo by Julia Wong Chaos broke …

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UCSD to Introduce Mini-Triple Rooms

Written by: Naomika Nadkarni

“In this room, my mini fridge looks like a regular fridge,” said Cole Habitation.Photo by Naomika Nadkarni and James Woolley UC San Diego has announced it …

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Supreme Court Votes to Abolish Retirement

Written by: Ren Wallace

“Too many vacation days? Take a vacation straight to interview hell,” said a representative of the US Department of More Labor.Photo by Julia Wong Last week, …

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SIO Researchers Discover Godzilla off La Jolla Coast

Written by: Chris Zhang

“I always knew my husband was a snack,” said one grieving spouse.Photo by Destiny Friday On March 11, 2024, Scripps Institute of Oceanography researchers on the …