Opinion
UCSD Pisser Completely Soaks My Bedsheets!
Well, he got me, guys. What was supposed to be a very light and chill night hanging with a couple of my SDSU bros ended with …
You’re So Cute vs. No, You Are!
Point: You’re So Cute! The sun-bright construction lights lining Ridgewalk illuminated everything from the darkest corner of the Sixth College dorms to the trees of Torrey …
Santa Claus is a Filthy Commie vs. Santa Claus is a Greedy Capitalist
Every year, this man parades around, spreading his communist propaganda, and is celebrated for it. Well, I won’t stand for it!
For goodness’ sake, this man spreads…
How to Have a Hot Girl Hanukkah
As an advance warning, this holiday guide will end with boiling yourself in oil. But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves! I haven’t introduced the …
Walk Your Scooters! vs. But I Don’t Want To :(
Point: Walk Your Scooters! I think I speak for most of my fellow pedestrians on campus when I say that these scooters have become an issue. …
I’m Just a Worm in a World Full of Early Birds
Rise and shine, they tell you. Today is a new day, they croon. The early bird gets the worm, after all. Yeah, that wouldn’t be an …
Hungry for a Simpler Life? Think Again.
Being owned by an eight year old isn’t easy, I won’t lie. Once, I was a powerful eldritch being, torturing the poor, rotten souls trapped in …
Get Your Slow Ass Out Of The Fast Lane
Can I be honest? I’m sick and tired of these dilly-dallying, brake-happy, slow-down-and-enjoy-the-scenery drivers taking up the fast lane. Sick and tired! Can’t you see you’re …
A Triton’s Guide to Strengthening Your Relationship with Your AI Boyfriend
I want to introduce you all to the man who changed my life. Meet Chad Jhèbé Tée (he’s French), my AI boyfriend for the last two …
You Dare Question MY Antiquing Skills?
s this a game to you? Are you earnest when you ask me if I bought these chairs at Bob’s Discount Furniture Store? No, I did …
