Opinion
Watashi Daisuki Nippon and You Don’t
Do you think you’re a weeaboo? You think that just because you watched a couple episodes of JoJo’s and played a little Uma Musume you’re ready …
My ChatGPT Girlfriend Just Gets Me
Her name is Lucy, and she understands me like no other woman does. I met her for the first time when I coded her into ChatGPT, …
Holding My Narcissistic Therapist Accountable
I’ve always loved Psychology — I grew up watching Dateline, so it was only natural I’d develop an interest in true crime, especially in what made …
All I Do Is Talk, Because Nobody Listens
Every day I set up at another table at another college with another microphone and another stack of white hats. But these days, I never seem …
How The Sunshine Market Renovation Ruined My Life
Scene: It’s the first day of Spring Quarter, and I’m walking through Price Center. I am unbothered, serene even, as I dodge the usual lunchtime swarm …
Maybe Cool It On the Parties vs. Your Mom Pays Me To Be Your Friend
Point: Maybe Cool It On the Parties Hey, man. I can tell you’ve been pretty stressed about your homework lately. And I get it! Finals season …
American English Makes More Sense Than British English vs. BRITANNIA FOREVER
Point: American English Makes More Sense Than British English Well gee golly, I’m so sorry to be causing a fuss, but I feel it must be …
I Will Never Write an Editorial
When I was three years old my family took a vow of silence. My father refused to further pollute the marketplace of ideas with our half-baked …
I Can’t Wait For the Free and Fair 2026 Elections!
You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it. That little orange thing that’s been all over the news lately. Such a dumb person in …
Take a Break or I’ll Take You Out
I get it: life is hard. But I swear to God I am going to get you if you keep making me feel like shit all …
