Opinion
I’m Ditching Coal This Year for a Cleaner Alternative
By Santa ClausBearer of Gifts Merry Christmas everyone! Old Saint Nick’s here to dispel some not-so-jolly rumors about my business practices. Some grumpy old elves have …
A Reflection on the Past Decade Shows That Things Really Are Improving
With the year of optometry rapidly approaching, many of you are reminiscing on the past decade and wondering what will happen next. Some of you, in …
Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill
Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …
Point/Counterpoint: How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be?/I Switched Majors Three Weeks Into my Freshman Year
How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be? By Joseph NeuronIncoming Freshman Look, I know I’m only going into my first year, but how hard can Premedreally …
This Little Piggy Went to a Frat Party, This Little Piggy Has a Bloody Nose Because Becky Offered Her Cocaine…
By Martha ChristiansonFailed Parent Hello! Yeah, hello, Susie! You’re just the cutest baby, huh? Do you want to hear what your siblings were up to last …
Foot Fetishist Reviews Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood”
By Westin ToetinoNew Movie Critic Tarantino’s ninth film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a love letter to the glory days of the movie industry, …
Point/Counterpoint: Going Pre-med is the Hardest Route a College Student Can Take/Objection, Your Honor
Going Pre-med is the Hardest Route a College Student Can Take By Baxter Washington Pre-med Student Out of all potential career paths college students can take, …
My Nonprofit Has Made Significant Measures to Stop Global Warming
I have never been more proud to be a community leader in Hell. After thousands of years of drought, fire, and brimstone, I decided that enough …
Promise You Won’t Get Mad, But …
Promise you won’t get mad? Um, I kind of did a bad thing. But I didn’t mean to do it! It just kind of happened, and …
Point/Counter Point: Swearing
Point: No Son of Mine Will Swear in This Household Son, come here. Get your old man a beer from the fridge. Thanks. While you’re here, …
