Look Who’s Pissing Me Off Again

It’s that time of the year again. Yes people, the biggest brains of Hollywood have come together to completely fuck over all content made by people of color and women alike. If you haven’t seen the nominations yet, do yourself a favor and pull out your iPhone and look them up. If you find yourself outside the hotbed of “working” school wifi, turn that data on and educate yourself. You might not agree with me on these matters, but of course, my opinion is the one that got printed, so just read it.

Beginning this Oscar’s review, I’m starting with Best Picture. I’m not mad at the Best Picture nominations; quite frankly, I can’t think of any other films I would put in the category. Oh wait, I thought of one: “Queen and Slim” definitely deserved a spot on that nomination list. The provocative nature and stylish execution of the film should have made its worthiness obvious. I mean, we haven’t seen a storyline like it in the history of the business, making it original content and worthy of praise. But we all know why it didn’t get the recognition. Whoops. If the Academy cared, I suggest taking the Irishman out for a replacement film that relies on the “cool” fact that its three hours long and hosts many big names who wanted to remember what they looked like when they were 50 instead of 80. Even all of that fails to distract from its insanely bored plot and mundane points. Joker, although it resonates with the incel community to a T, is a good stab at the Best Picture title so there you go. I’m not even gunna mention “Us” because I will just get too angry. I don’t feel like I need to drag any other film into this, so let’s move on.

Although the nominations for actors are important and deserve a piece in this article, I have to skip and talk about the nominations for Best Director. What does it take? What does it take for someone to be nominated for best director, because it’s obvious that I don’t have any idea. It’s apparent in this round of nominations that the Academy doesn’t believe that Greta Gerwig is a person? Taika Waititi — although landing his film with six nominations — is a Marvel man and thus, not worthy in the Academy eyes. And boy, do they love sticking Tarantino in the running and burning his dreams alive with the loss.

Let’s now take a look at those actors, shall we? Antonio Banderas, a man we have cherished since the Spy Kids franchise took off, has made his way to a nomination. With the moves he had in Joker, it’s no surprise that Joaquin has also taken a nom’. Adam Driver, although he cannot punch a wall properly, certainly yelled his way to this nom’. Our man DiCaprio has come back for his fifth nom’, and I did not watch Two Popes, so good job Jonathan Pryce.

Our women for Leading Actress include Cynthia Erivo, who delivered a wonderful representation of Harriet Tubman, and blonde-haired women number one through four. I mean, in all seriousness, Saoirse is a lady after my own heart, and Scarlett screamed just as loudly as Driver so she has to be on this list. And I guess, like my pal Jonathan, good job Charlize and Renee. And with this, I am tired of being provocative. Peace.