Editorial
How to Always Win Your Fantasy Football League
It’s a tale as old as time. September rolls around and your friends or colleagues invite you to join their fantasy football league. There’s just one …
Why Can’t I Find a Relationship
Things were looking up for me this summer. I hit the sweet seven-inch growth spurt every man in his early 20s yearns for, my socially debilitating …
Allowing You to Ride Me for Free Doesn’t Mean I Want Your Sweaty Hands and Feet
Human students of UC San Diego, we have decided it is time for us elevators to rise to the occasion. We opened our doors to kindness, …
My Study Abroad Experience Changed My Life and You’re Going to Hear About It Whether You Want to or Not
How was my summer? Oh, just incredible! I lived in Italy for two whole months. Yeah, it was a really formative experience. I was in a …
More Wildfires Are Actually Great for Me
Okay, fine. I admit it. After watching my favorite vacation home go up in flames, there is no denying that climate change is real. Hopefully the …
We Have All Been Afflicted With a Curse
Fellow youths, I bring horrible, world-ending news. Our university — nay, our universe itself has been afflicted with a terrible curse. It is the most vile, …
Grades Inflate, Society Crumbles
In the storied history of education there has been but one constant: the strong pass and the weak fail. Educators from Socrates to Dennis Prager have …
Life Is Horrible, but I Have a Little Drink
I have been in a constant state of misery since September 23, 2022, after the innocent newness of Fall Quarter ceased to appeal to me and …
Tom Cruise Is the Last Gen X Babygirl
I take my coffee black with salt, carry cash, and drive a manual car. I shook hands with George Lucas once, and Al Pacino made eye …
Professional Sports Have Become Predictable
What’s the deal with sports these days? When I was a kid, there were still new narratives and new agendas being pushed. We had Michael Jordan …
