Editorial
Local Dog Claims “I Actually Don’t Need to Go on Anymore Walks”
All my family does is take me on walks anymore. I am trying to be a good girl, but I am tired. It all started the …
A Letter Regarding Coronavirus
Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …
I am a Simple Tomato and Bon Appetit Cooked Me 47 Different Ways. This is My Story.
Here’s the thing — I’m a tomato. Yes, I shouldn’t be able to type. I don’t even have thumbs. But have you ever been so pissed …
If the Ice Caps are Melting, Can’t We Just Make More?
By Janet HolmesBusiness major andamateur Climatologist Everyone nowadays is complaining about the ice caps melting without doing anything about it, but the solution is actually so …
Look Who’s Pissing Me Off Again
It’s that time of the year again. Yes people, the biggest brains of Hollywood have come together to completely fuck over all content made by people …
Cats Gets Two Paws Up
Sorry, I know this movie came out a while ago, but this review took a while to write. Hopefully I end up submitting it on time. …
I’m Ditching Coal This Year for a Cleaner Alternative
By Santa ClausBearer of Gifts Merry Christmas everyone! Old Saint Nick’s here to dispel some not-so-jolly rumors about my business practices. Some grumpy old elves have …
A Reflection on the Past Decade Shows That Things Really Are Improving
With the year of optometry rapidly approaching, many of you are reminiscing on the past decade and wondering what will happen next. Some of you, in …
This Little Piggy Went to a Frat Party, This Little Piggy Has a Bloody Nose Because Becky Offered Her Cocaine…
By Martha ChristiansonFailed Parent Hello! Yeah, hello, Susie! You’re just the cutest baby, huh? Do you want to hear what your siblings were up to last …
Foot Fetishist Reviews Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood”
By Westin ToetinoNew Movie Critic Tarantino’s ninth film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a love letter to the glory days of the movie industry, …
