Editorial
What the Fuck, Guys?
By George Washington Cursed Ghost Hey everyone. It’s me. George Washington. I’ve been haunting America since I died. Apparently, I can’t move on now because people …
If 2020 Fucked Everyone, Then How Come I’m Still A Virgin?
By Trenton Toland Freshman Incel When I heard the Fox News Financial Analyst say “2020 fucked everyone,” my initial thought was, “Sweet! Now I don’t have …
Even I, A Poli Sci Major, Have No Idea What the Fuck is Going On
By Jeremy Rossi Fourth-year Poli Sci Student Oftentimes my friends come to me for my hot takes on current events. And who could blame them? As …
Someone, Please Eat My Hasselback Potatoes
I am stupefied. I just took a tray of Hasselback potatoes out of the oven, and for what? Am I about to eat multiple baked potatoes …
Back in My Day, We Had Plague Doctors and That Was Rad as Fuck
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what doctors are doing nowadays, so I want to take this time to speak up for ghosts everywhere because …
Local Dog Claims “I Actually Don’t Need to Go on Anymore Walks”
All my family does is take me on walks anymore. I am trying to be a good girl, but I am tired. It all started the …
I am a Simple Tomato and Bon Appetit Cooked Me 47 Different Ways. This is My Story.
Here’s the thing — I’m a tomato. Yes, I shouldn’t be able to type. I don’t even have thumbs. But have you ever been so pissed …
A Letter Regarding Coronavirus
Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …
If the Ice Caps are Melting, Can’t We Just Make More?
By Janet HolmesBusiness major andamateur Climatologist Everyone nowadays is complaining about the ice caps melting without doing anything about it, but the solution is actually so …
Cats Gets Two Paws Up
Sorry, I know this movie came out a while ago, but this review took a while to write. Hopefully I end up submitting it on time. …
