Politics
US Flag Lowered to Half-Mast Permanently
Following the mass shooting on Tuesday, the mass shooting on Wednesday, and the mass shooting on Thursday, President Donald Trump released a proclamation through the Office …
In Aftermath of California Wildfires, Trump Bans Leaves
President Trump enacted an executive order on Monday December 3, to ban leaves scattered on forest floors. Because wildfires in California have led to significant damage …
New Starbucks Cups Anger Groups
The greatly anticipated annual designs for Starbucks’ 2018 holiday cups have finally arrived, and this year, they reportedly feature multiple patterns. Hoping to skirt controversy, Starbucks …
Yale Law School Replaces LSAT Requirement with Drinking Game Tournament
Yale University, the number one ranking law school in the United States, has instituted a dramatic change to its admissions policy. Rather than having applicants take …
Congress Increases Government Transparency, Will Install New Windows
Following accusations of a biased closed confirmation hearing of Brett Kavanaugh, Congress passed a Republican-sponsored bill “increasing congressional transparency” by installing larger glass windows on the …
Human Woman Added to Endangered Species List
Following Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation and appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) named human women …
Political Pundit Fails at Asking Where Restroom Is, Wets Pants in Protest
“You bet I had an accident here,” says James Riddle, a notorious public urinator. “After three cups of the special ‘Iced Mocha Madness,’ I was really …
Boy Scout Badges, Third Grade Reading Level to Be Considered in Sexual Assault Cases
Colleges nationwide will begin to take relevant details into account when handling accusations of sexual assault, such as honors won in the Boy Scouts, third grade …
Trump’s New Supreme Court Pick Looks Suspiciously Like Trump with a Fake Mustache
President Trump announced his nominee to fill Justice Kennedy’s Supreme Court vacancy on Monday. Trump’s nomination follows the President’s decision to drop Brett Kavanaugh as the …
Local College Student Concerned About Politics, Does Nothing About It
Greg Alaffia, a local 20-something college student, is concerned about current geopolitical affairs, but has no real plans to do anything about it. Alaffia has been …
