News
Graduating Student More Computer Than Scientist
Graduating computer science major Ilan Hannan was struck by the realization this week that his degree prepared him to be more of a computer than a …
First Year Student Sure They’ll Have Enough Time to Pack All Their Stuff in the Next Hour
After a week of “definitely not putting it off,” UCSD first year Brian Mannard has decided to begin the process of moving out, approximately one hour …
Area Mom Excited to See Son, Area Student Excited to See PlayStation 4
The school year is ending soon, and many parents are getting excited at the thought of their children coming back home. Area mom Caitlyn Lettie is …
FBI Begins New Director Selection Process Inspired by Shark Tank
On May 9, President Trump made the controversial decision to fire FBI Director James Comey, who had initiated an investigation on the extent of Russian involvement …
Area Woman “Woulda, Coulda, but Definitely Shouldn’tva”
Local woman Vanessa Mræl intended to perform an action, had the capacity to perform that action, but decided judiciously that performing such an action was a …
Study Shows Only Divine Intervention Can Make You Pass This Class
Researchers announced on Wednesday that their extensive data on your history in MATH 20C has revealed that only an act of God could turn your grade …
Graduating Senior Regrets Time Not Spent Complaining About UCSD
Graduating UCSD senior Cameron Phloss recently publicly admitted that when reflecting on his four years in college, he found that much of his time was wasted …
Local Student Swears Next Quarter Will Be Better for 12th Quarter in a Row
On Thursday, area cognitive science major Gwen Bradford said that “surely next quarter I’ll get my shit together,” following a quarter of unmet goals and unimpressive …
Mexican Workers Imported by Trump to Build the Wall Flee Across the Country
To the surprise of many Americans, President Trump has recently allowed 3,000 Mexican workers into the United States to fulfill his campaign promise to build a …
Professor Unable to Connect to Projector, Unable to Lecture
Last Monday, David Queology, a professor at UCSD, told reporters that he completely lost his ability to lecture that morning due to irreparable technical difficulties. Queology …
