News
Local Professor Writes Final Drunk, Only Student Who Passed Was Also Drunk
Only one student, Edward Mozkortuta, was able to obtain a passing score on a final written by UCSD Professor Mark Pijan. Students who took the final …
“TIME” Names “Tasty” Videos as Person of the Year, Called “The Voice of a Generation”
Last Wednesday, “TIME” Magazine named Buzzfeed’s “Tasty” page as “Person of the Year,” two months before “TIME” typically announces their winner. “Every year, we bestow the …
Russian Social Media Site Turns Over U.S. Propaganda Ads to Russian Government
Giving in to pressure from the Kremlin, VKontakte, the most popular Russian social media site, announced that it would allow the government to access to its …
Local Snitch Did Not Get Stitches, Bled Out on the Floor
Early Friday night, Max Hildako, 26, was found unconscious in his San Diego apartment. Hildako was pronounced dead at the scene at 8:03 p.m. by paramedics. …
Trump Solves Opioid Problem, Won’t Share the Oxycodone
Just two weeks after the president declared the opioid crisis, a “serious problem the likes of which we have never had,” Trump commissioned the U.S. Attorney’s …
Area Men in “Stall Standoff” as Both Refuse to Poop Until the Other Leaves Restroom
After five days of awkward coughing, sneaker squeaking, and forced grunts, area men Chris Matthews and Matt Chrishews have stood their ground in what the locals …
Climate Change Denier Asked for Proof, Points to Rainbow
Area environmental scientists asked Matthew Baker, a local climate change denier and activist, for proof during a debate on the existence of climate change and humanity’s …
Sarah McLachlan Finally Adopted into Loving Home
Every day in America, thousands of animals suffer from cruelty and neglect. Thousands were rescued last year, and for one Canadian pop star, help finally came. …
Chinese Students Protest Dalai Lama Speech by Annexing Tibetan Student Association
The Chinese Student and Scholars Association has stepped up its recent protests against the 14th Dalai Lama being named the keynote speaker at this year’s Commencement …
Area Yuppie’s Parents Unable to Pay Bills or Convince Son to “Help out a Bit”
Charles Crosby and Abigail Johnson, parents of young urban professional Edward Crosby-Johnson, received their third late billing notice from Bethesda Naval Hospital on Thursday. Their inability …
